


Dying of Wounded Darkness

by CarolareScarletus



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/F, F/M, Life Debt, M/M, Memories, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-27 15:28:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13883736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarolareScarletus/pseuds/CarolareScarletus
Summary: War can make a fool of us all. One night during a meeting with Albus Dumbledore, it has Severus Snape contemplating his very devotion to his master as well as igniting the life debt he’s owed his worst enemy since he saved him all those years ago. With Dumbledore trying to play him as a pawn in one of his games and giving him a mysterious stone that is supposed to heal all his wounds, he doesn’t have much. His reason for living? Simple, he doesn’t have one. Surviving, however, was all he knew.





	Dying of Wounded Darkness

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry (Challenges & Assignments). Assignment Four; Care of Magical Creatures.

* * *

 

**House:** Gryffindor

**Class:** **Care of Magical Creatures**

**Task-** **#1: Write about a strong sense of loyalty**

**Word count: 3,328 (** Excluding Author’s Note, but including entire Entry and Title)

**World:** AU (Alternate Universe) and TT (Time Travel-> where Harry Potter is thrust into some side-along interpretations of events he wasn’t around to witness) There isn’t much to go on as far as Severus’ life is concerned, or the Marauder era, either. This is also a LD (Life Debt) story. As for the story itself, go buy some tissues because this will be an emotional ride. I have my jar of hearts right beside me ;)

**Summary:** War can make a fool of us all. One night during a meeting with Albus Dumbledore, it has Severus Snape contemplating his very devotion to his master as well as igniting the life debt he’s owed his worst enemy since he saved him all those years ago. With Dumbledore trying to play him as a pawn in one of his games and giving him a mysterious stone that is supposed to heal all his wounds, he doesn’t have much. His reason for living? Simple, he doesn’t have one. Surviving, however, was all he knew. 

**Author’s Note:** This entry goes out to Kristina, a lovely woman who shares the same obsession involving a snarky Potion’s Master.  I had way too much fun writing this entry and I hope it gains a good amount of support in the next couple of months. :)

**Chapter Note:** Severus Snape death occurred chapter 33 of Deathly Hallows, and has been reimagined to fit the plot of this narrative. To see how J.K Rowling version of events took place, refer to your beloved copies of her books and movies. My adaptation, God-willing, follows almost exactly how the events took place, but with a slight twist. Keep on reading if you want to find out more.

When the time comes for Harry to look into the Pensieve of Snape’s memories, a striking phenomenon will occur. For this to happen, I have created the Meus Speculum Charm, a way in which allows readers to feel intense emotion, journey not only just one strand of memory, but every memory associate with it. It is derived from the Latin word ‘mirror’, which pairs well with the idea that Harry will be able to literally see and feel everything Severus was able to. For the sake of this work, it is EWP (Epilogue, what Epilogue?), but characters will not be OCC (Out of Character) due to the understanding that they need to be very much like themselves for the story to be fully understood. Head-canon, but you’ll see why ;)

This fic will also pay witness to sexual acts, drugs, smoking, and drinking done on and off screen eventually. For the sake of the competition, this is a stand alone piece until the week closes and it’s graded. I’m certain Severus, if able to choose so, would have skipped over anything sexual involving Harry’s mother. Everything else would have been vital for him to come to the conclusions that he will face later.

**Special Announcement:** I’m sure y’all have heard about the shooting in Florida. I’d like each and every one of you to take a moment of silence for those who lost their lives. It confounds me that such hideous hatred can exist in the world, and I Pray that something is done to stop these horrific events from happening. People shouldn’t have to live in fear, and I know, for someone who has a younger sibling still in school, I shouldn’t have to fear that I may not see them again. WIth that said, thank you for your time.

_ As always, enjoy _

-Carolare Scarletus

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_ -.~.- _

**Dying of Wounded Darkness**

_ -.~.- _

* * *

 

 

Severus Snape looked at the almost translucent figure of the Headmaster. He was slowly making his way around his office, greeting his various treasures and the creatures that dwelled within his domain. He had been summoned by Albus some time ago; he Apparated to a hill, finding the older wizard looking out at the open ocean in some strange, uncharted place. An odd meeting point, but important to him nonetheless. He’d come to speak to him about Lily Potter, a subject that Albus knew all too well and only put it off until this very occasion. Severus was worried about her safety; there had been no signs of movement on her part, and he’d come to only place that he knew would welcome him. The Dark Lord was rising; he’d just gotten word of a prophecy and was demanding his Death Eaters find and track down the family and the child that fitted its precise qualities. Though the prophecy spoke of a child born in July, Severus had unearthed two children whom fit the role.  

The only problem is was that he feared that it could be Lily’s child.

For the longest time, he fought with his thoughts. A deep stab cut through him, rendering him absolutely powerless. He’d spent years trying to forget her, to forget what he said to her the last time they spoke. He’s spent years trying to forgive himself and there was nothing to show for it aside from the burning mark on his forearm and the heavy toll of being a spy for both sides. Since getting it, Severus looked at it with nothing but utter disgust. Only Albus knew just how much he loathed it.

It had not been Albus’ idea to do it not Severus’. He’d been inclined to believe if he’d chosen his loyalty to the cause, he’d be able to weasel his way into the inner circles of the Dark Lord. Months have passed and his assumption and hard work preserved. Just three nights ago, Severus had been taken aside and welcomed with exceedingly open arms. Almost the entire night escaped him in one drugged induced blur, but when he awoke the next moment, writhing in pain, he knew  exactly what he’d done and a wave of temporary relief washed over him.

Burning red on his forearm was the Dark Mark; he’d done what Albus set out to do, marring his impeccably clean skin with grim and sin. Even without blood on his hands, Severus felt incredibly filthy, more so in the eyes of his former Headmaster.

“I wish you hadn’t done that, Severus.”

“There was no other option.”

“Ah,” the Headmaster raised a hand and said,“There is always another option. You think too lowly of yourself, boy.” Then, he paused. “Forgive me, I didn’t call you out tonight to deride you,” he told him sincerely. 

Severus did not speak nor laugh for a while. It was only when Albus broke the silence that he considered a response.

“What news do you bring me?”

“The Dark Lord,” Severus began, having found the courage after a long hiatus to speak. He watched the Headmaster pass through the shadow of the moon, his eyes growing large and his palms become sweaty. He’d done everything he’d asked, even going as far as agreeing to become his little pawn in his game, but he didn’t think the Headmaster would agree to protect Lily, especially after all this time. He couldn’t begin to  _ hope  _ that his the Headmaster would even listen to his plea. “I sense his movement.”

“And, where might he be travelling?” The Headmaster turned, presenting him his trademark stare, the one that saw right through him. 

“I believe,” he paused, reaching toward something formidable, as if it was swaying right there between them,” he is travelling North.”

“Then, that is where we will stage our ambush.” He turned swiftly away from him and back to his large, wooden desk. As he sat, Severus spoke.

“And risk an entire fleets’ worth to perish,” the young Potions Master asked. “I cannot say that is a reasonable plan, Headmaster. As you know, I’ve recently been initiated into his secret brotherhood.” Severus carefully raised the sleeve of his robe and a nasty, burning tattoo met their gaze. It was a engraving of a skull with a snake protruding from its mouth like an elongated tongue and which had been performed in the most excruciating of ways. Severus chose to spare the Headmaster the details, and he when looked up to finally face his former Professor and protector, he was met with complete disappointment. “We cannot kill mercilessly like that!”

“It wouldn’t be without cause.”

“You’re setting them all up for slaughter. First me and now anyone else who chooses to aid you!”

“Calm down, Severus.” Albus referred to him smoothly. The usual troublesome glint in his eyes was still present. Although his anger did dissolve from him, Severus still felt the radiating warmth of it inside of his chest. “I am not sending anyone to die. If what you are telling me is the truth, I simply want to ensure that all our grounds are covered. Setting up a base in the North will solidify our forces. You simply have to continue to relay any useful messages you may overhear.”

Severus stood there for a moment before breaking the silence. “You may have everyone else fooled, but you cannot fool me, Headmaster. I’ve been playing this game long enough to know what is at stake- to know what the end result is.”

Albus looked amused. “What might that be, then?”

The Potions Master was rendered silent. "They cannot go North,” he pleaded with him. “I suspect he knows that you will try to ambush him.”

“Of course he does.”

“Then, why try?”

“I don’t think you know the severity of the situation, Severus,” Albus told him stubbornly. It was like trying to tell a child not to touch a hot stove, knowing that their curiosity was a powerful thing and it would inevitably get the best of them. “Are there dates?”

“There are none that he has spoken of,” the Potions Master finally said.

Albus nodded, looked down to take out quill, and a piece of parchment. From there, he began to write. The tip of the quill scraped against the parchment very much like chalk scraped against a board penetratively and bitteningly harsh. The very words were mocking him as he engraved them onto the stone-like document before he finished, folded it up neatly, placed it into an envelope and sent it on its way. Severus stared into the open space of the Headmaster’s office, reeling in the idea of something he couldn’t obtain. That was when he choice to voice in concern to the Headmaster.

“What was that?”

“A letter,” Albus replied, standing. “I will need all the help I can muster. You’re one of my greatest assets, Severus,  and I will not allow you to subject yourself to any unnecessary torment.”

“You know not what you are doing,” Severus said through a clenched jaw. “He will find out. The troops, the ambushes- I do not know what game you are playing, but I know it cannot end well.”

“He’s looking for the boy, isn’t he?”

Severus remained silent for a moment before answering. “I beg you…Move them,” he strongly implored to him. “Move them all.”

“What do you expect to gain from this, Severus?”

He remained inadvertently silent. 

“Severus, as one of his trusted allies, you must know  _ something _ .”

“He doesn’t  _ trust  _ me, Headmaster.” He didn’t even bother to reconceal the anguish laced in his voice. Forget the letter he’d sent! Dropping his gaze, he let his facade fall. For the first time in his life, Severus let someone  _ see  _ what lay underneath the hard exterior of his replicated self. From the engrossing sadness, the half-mooned shadows playing underneath his eyes- the Headmaster had a front row seat to the play that starred him and his suffering. When he looked back up at him, Severus sent a pleading look in his direction. “When you first summoned me and asked about my alliance, I thought you were mad.  He suspects I have a double role.”

“What have you done for him to suspect that?”

“As you may know, I’m fairly close to Lucius Malfoy,” he began earnestly, fabricating his tale to abide the suspicion of betrayal that may follow. Though, it wouldn’t make sense at this point to turn against the Headmaster; he’d done everything in his power to keep Lily and him safe, so why turn against the only man, aside from a few selection of friends, that cared for him? Motley of emotions coursed through him, thrumming through his very being. If it came down to it, Severus would do anything for him. After all, he owed his life to him.“I believe someone overheard me conversing with him about the prophecy”

“Trelawney's predictions haven’t always been correct. There have been times when her predictions have lead people astray.”

“This time is  _ different _ ,” Severus hissed. “I can feel it.”

Albus nodded slowly, his mind whirling as he thought. “And, what do you believe, Severus?”

“The Dark Lord has the wrong boy.”

“Are you certain?”

“Wholeheartedly,” he said through a clenched jaw. “Lily Potter… a child from her would be extraordinary, but I have spoken to Trelawny and, she too, believes the Dark Lord has the wrong boy. Even a crude like her can see the truth.”

“I believe you’re only saying this so I can turn my attention to Lily,” the Headmaster’s words pierced right through his heart and Severus had to close his eyes to fight the invading stab that shot through his chest. “But, I believe that you are telling me the truth.”

“When have I not been open to you, Headmaster?”

“You’ve never made me doubt my loyalty in you, Severus.” Albus explained, before going about his business attending to his tomes and creatures. He came to pass a frightfully young creature, whom had just recently exploded into a world of fire only to rise through ashes of its past life. Now, newly born, the Phoenix sung amusingly as the Headmaster passed it a small token of appreciation, a piece of fruit to which it ate lovingly from his hand. Albus ruffled up its feathers.“Remarkable creatures Phoenix’s are, don’t you agree? They are able to be born from their ashes and begin anew. Precisely the kind of of brilliance I see in you now.”

“How am I like a Phoenix exactly?” Severus’ voice had finally regained the hardened tone to which Albus had grown accustomed to. 

Albus’ eyes twinkled for a moment the second they connected with his. Severus appeared taken aback, settling into his darkened role remarkably well before allowing the Headmaster to engage him once more.

“Do you remember what you asked me shortly before you discovered that Lily was to be married to Mr. Potter?”

When Severus didn’t answer, Albus did for him. “You asked me to protect them. Not her... _ them. _ Now, I don’t imagine you can understand the depth of my surprise, but I was completely stricken with admiration, something you may not understand even now as we speak. I saw compassion, an emotion that had departed from you the moment you uttered those fateful words to her. Lily had been your entire world, and now, something was trying to disturb it and you wanted nothing more than to protect her and the one she choose to share her life with. Severus, I don’t think you understand the sheer  _ significance  _ of your sacrifice, or your unwavering devotion to the one you love. That night, I found the light within you again and that, in part, is why I am so devoted to you.”

“What does this have anything to what I am requesting of you now?” Granted, the Headmaster  _ had  _ some inkling as to why he wanted to protect Lily; he was right, she was entire world, but involving another person, someone whom he despised with all his soul, was a whole different matter. Severus didn’t particularly hate Potter; he thought he hated what he’d become, but that was partly because of his memories of him back in school and the life debt that he’d owed him. 

“It means everything, Severus,” Albus said before pausing. “And, yes, I will do it. Should the occasion arise, I will protect Lily and her kin.”

“What about the boy?”

“The boy will be saved as well.”

It was as if a huge burden had been lifted off his shoulders, the weight of which had abused him so greatly that he feared he’d never be able to stand again. 

“We don’t need to reassess your loyalties, Severus,” Albus came to say as he left the modest comfort of his desk to stride over to the window. There, he looked out. He looked like a sentinel who had been placed there to watch out for intruders. For a young man, Severus looked worn and torn down. The only memories he had of him was that of a gangly little boy, frightened beyond belief. Years have passed, and yet, Severus almost seemed to have grown into the role of a double pursuer. “You seem to have placed your loyalty on the wrong side in the beginning. You came to me in dire need; yet, I didn’t seem to have your full attention. I believe now, I do.”

“What do you suggest we do?”

“Set up a trusted confidant. Lily and James Potter need all the protection they can get.” 

“Whom did you have in mind?”

Albus looked beside himself. “I  was thinking of a Secret-Keeper. Sworn by the Unbreakable Vow.”

“Are you  _ insane _ ?” Severus hissed. 

“I understand that nothing about this situation pleases you,” Albus said calmly. He came around his desk and grasped him by the sleeves of his coat. He looked into those unfathomable depths, losing himself in the dark obrs of his eyes. “But, you must put your trust in me.

Severus suddenly doubled over, crying in pain. Albus was immediately at his beck and call; he took the young master to one of the cozy sofas in the corner of his study, sat him down, and went to work. His adroit hands waved over his crippled form. Upon his examination, eyes darting rapidly as he tried to ascertain the sudden onslaught of pain, his eyes found a mysterious dark circle on his neck and followed the thin path it took underneath his black shirt. He’d suspected as such, seeing as the man had taken a turn for the worse months ago as if he’d been deathly ill. Now, he was certain. Severus was slowly dying because of a life debt.

“How long,” he asked.

“A few m-months,” Severus stammered as he pushed through the pain. He clenched his jaw, allowing it to draw out until the wave subsided altogether. “I do not know what i-it is,” he hissed through clenched teeth.

“It is a life debt, Severus,” whispered Albus, looking at the small bruise on his neck. He’d never seen such a foreboding thing; in all his years of teaching and travelling the world, he’s never come across a person who had been inflicted with such a powerful ailment. Quickly, thought swarmed his mind. “Mr. Potter had saved your life that night after Mr. Black sent you to the shack, calling upon some ancient custom and the only reason you feel the need to protect him is because of the power that he wields over you.”

“Of course Potter is the cause of this!” Severus yelled, wincing as the small bruise pounded with excruciating pain. “Damnable bastard!”

“He is unaware of it, I assure you,” he tried to pacify him once more. “There isn’t need for derogatory names, either. The full moon is a powerful thing. How you’re not dead is my question, as well as my main concern. Intriguing ancient curses are, they forcefully join two souls together until they work out their differences. If they cannot, they die.”

“So, I’m destined to protect that miserable bastard until my last breath?”

“As eloquently as you put it, Severus, yes. To either you or Mr. Potter dies. Though, I may be able to aid you in your journey.”

“This isn’t some journey one takes during a holiday, Headmaster,” he hissed, sitting up and wincing at the pain striking his chest. Severus fell back down, looking up at the high ceiling. “I think I would rather die!”

“You must protect him,” Albus told him with a stern nod. His eyes glossed over suddenly, his mind whirling with the rampant thoughts that Severus couldn’t understand. Through the pain, he met his stare and waited with a bated breath; any news that came from him always proved to be unworthy, if not depressing. 

Throwing his head back against the cushions of the sofa, Severus continued to look up to the ceiling for answers. He couldn’t argue further because of the life debt; he felt the curse swim through his veins with the corrosive discourse of pain. Groaning loudly, he shut his eyes, listening as the Headmaster went on. He had moved, searching for something that Severus couldn’t place.

“Ah, here it is.” Albus said, finally reaching for the object he’d been looking for. When he raised his hand, Severus found that he was holding up a single stone made of opal. It was nothing of real significance, until it was placed in his palm and he felt the weight of the stone for the first time. It was as if he’d been given the entire world to hold; the stone was so unbelievably heavy that he had to cast a silent charm just to support the weight of it. When he looked to Albus to ask what the strange object was, he only smiled at him and said,” When the time comes, you’ll know what to do with it. I recovered it from the bottom of an ocean near Odessa. The charm should wear off soon; it is not as nearly as heavy as it is now without it. Until we figure out what we can do to save you, hold onto it.”

Severus looked at the swirling opal stone, and for once, he was overcome with such emotion that he forgot his troubles. 

“You know how to rid me of this...this curse?”

“All you have to do is relay to me,” asked the Headmaster as he continued to pace in front of the sofa, stopping to eye him from time to time. “A life debt is complicated; your symptoms are only manifesting and we must quickly get to the bottom of it. Its origin, if I am correct, is the cause of Mr. Potter saving you that night. If we hide them and keep them safe, then there would be no need for a debt to begin with.”

None of his words settled right with him. All he could do was lay there, praying that the Headmaster could save him.

“I do not know what else I can do, Headmaster,” he wept, his voice cracking with the weight of his words. “What you ask of me… I don’t know if I can do it.”

“If this isn’t about you, Severus, then what is it about, then?” Albus said, pleading with him to divulge his secrets. 

“I do not know if I can keep playing both roles,” he snapped, his strength slowly depleting. “Keeping her safe will inevitable kill me. What would be the point once I’m dead or if I fail in my plan?”

Albus didn’t answer right away. As silence fell between them, Severus learned the answer. 

As always, a bigger storm was brewing in the background that would ignite it all and all he could do was wait until it did. 

Loyalty would prove to be fatal. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
